You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
