Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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