i don't like sucking hair
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
