I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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