i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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