Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
