if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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