new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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