new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
