Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just invented taco cereal.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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