My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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