god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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