I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
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turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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