We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
