i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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