I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
