He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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