I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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