that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
