Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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