all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's never too late to be topless.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
