Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
FUCK WHALES
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
