They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
