Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
