So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Boobs are out for the taking
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
