You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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