sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize