just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
