Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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