cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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