Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize