I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
