Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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