your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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