I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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