chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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