Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
