I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
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Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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