I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
