he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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