Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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