Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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