my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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