Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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