Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
