my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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