I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
