I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
