Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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