No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
