My hand turned me down
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
