Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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