i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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