The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
