you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have tasted many bathrooms
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
