My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
