I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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