It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
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I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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