Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
