you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think I won the penis lottery.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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