Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
