Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
