Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
