and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
