I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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