i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
