He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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