So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So much rum. So many feels.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
