I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
