I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
